Well I just finished my morning blueberry muffin which seems to be my huge craving in this pregnancy. They are the ones from Tom Thumb with the large sugar crystals on them...mmmmmmm! It's amazing how when you are pregnant if you are craving something in particular it's just simply the best thing you have ever eaten when you take a bite! Sarah has a dr appt (it's not me for a change!) this morning so I am alone. Poor Sarah hears me rant and rave everyday, and listens with sympathy and reassurance. Anyway, last night Em and Mike were horsing around (like they normally do), and Em kept falling down and acting hurt. After telling her to stop they both ignored me and kept playing. Finally, I heard her squeal like she had really been hurt. Mike explained she had fallen back and hit her head on the couch. I was SO MAD! I had told them to stop! I yelled at both of them like you wouldn't believe. "THAT'S ALL I NEED IS ANOTHER BABY GETTING THEIR HEAD HURT!" I roared. Emily's eyes filled with tears .......... ugh bad mommy bad! Em ran off to her room and I ran to the bathroom. Mike just sat there and realized that I had break down for a moment and he apologized. Em came back down with her little hurt head, and I realized she really did hit it and pretty hard. She had a good size knot on her head and I felt terrible. She pretty much sat beside me the rest of the night, and wouldn't leave. Of course I over tended her as well and even sent Mike to the store for some children's motrin. The rest of the night was filled with Emily's crazy cat meowing his brains out because we left him outside. Which we left him outside because he meows his brains out. Well he then figured out if he went and stood at the back of the greenbelt the dogs would go crazy barking at him and thus we get up and open the door. I was thinking of ways I could roast a cat when I realized it was almost time to get up. Mike and I have spent some quality close time together the last two days and it's been nice. I guess we realized we do really need to lean on each other right now. As much as everyone sympathizes it's hard to express how you are truly feeling during a situation like this. Mike knows though......he is bargaining with God just like I am right now. Oh another frustration from yesterday was coming home to the mail. I am beginning to dread the stack of mail sitting on the counter when I get home. It is filled with medical bills that are mounting rapidly. I have good insurance, but it pays 80% and when you have a pregnancy that will easily rack $20-$30k by the time it's over with there is a lot of people wanting money. I will make it work though I always do, but it's still frustrating. I am a little worried today as Jude is not really moving....but I am probably thinking to much into things. We take for granted in our everyday lives that we will never have any issues with our pregnancy. Pregnancy is suppose to be a joyous occasion. We plan on how we will tell our husband, our families, and our friends when we first find out. Then we happily skip to our monthly doctor appointments and look forward to our 3 sonograms. Then we shop for cute clothes, decorate a nursery, dread labor, and hold a sweet baby. I know it's horrible, but Mike and I have both commented how annoying it is to see those women coming out of the doctor's office all happy (shame on us). All the expected joy changes when you realize your 3 sonograms have turned into 30 sonograms, 2 level 2 sono's, and an mri. It also changes when your once a month dctr appointments turn weekly, and when you are afraid to decorate the baby's room, and you wonder about the clothes you have already bought. The sad thing is as human beings we really are naive and think issues like this do not arise as often as they do. I have made friends on support forums with many mothers who are left with good news from a bad appt, bad news from an appt, or even the worst news losing a child. More times than not the baby and the mommy are just fine so when you get pregnant just remember to say an extra thanks for a healthy pregnancy.
On a side note ... I HATE being sick too. I wasn't always like that, see years and years ago when I was so sad and unhappy it seemed like stuff was wrong with me. Now I hate the doctors offices with a passion and avoid it like the plague. I have to be on my death flu bed to finally get dragged into the dctr. So my first few visits with my Ob were a bit strange to me because there were issues. Now let me add I love my Ob's office. My cousin recommended them and they have been great. Granted I was a bit miffed that after my MRI there wasn't anyone to talk to, but that happens I guess. So anyway back to the beginning of the preg. when I went in I had asked her (reluctantly) about some pain on my right side. She told me I had a very large cyst in that area and then sent me for a renal sonogram which is basically pics of your kidneys. I didn't fully understand why I was going, but followed orders. I figured I would just go in and they would do some scans, I would get to see the baby wiggle, and I would go home. I knew there was an issue when the tech said "Um I am going to go get the head radiologist". Now I am not telling you all this to be a huge whine bag...I can deal with my pain I am just establishing a pattern for this pregnancy. Anyway, head dude comes in and says that he sees severe "hydronoprhosis" of the right kidney. I hate it when they talk doctor and don't just tell you what this means. Now make no doubt that I do research items fully and ask a lot of questions. I am not just a dumb blonde that sits there (just a curly blonde ;)), and stares at them blankly... I actually ask for the full diagnosis so I can look it up. My cousin calls me I am an information junkie and I admit to my issue :). Anyway, my understanding is that this means that my right kidney is not functioning properly because my ureter is being compressed by the cyst (so we thought). A few days later we wind up in the ER and I am in massive amounts of pain. I can handle pain people I was in labor with Em for ten hours at home prior to going to the hospital........mostly because I was forced to be by my old incompetent ob but still I was. Anyway, point is I was in serious pain. So it seems the cyst had ruptured thus some of the pain was gone, but guess what? Yep ureter is not 100% not working..........what does that mean? It means it wasn't the cyst cutting it off it was the uterus and the baby. Not good the Ob said because this means the uterus and baby only get larger. Anyway, this hasn't caused me a lot of issues and yesterday on my blog I stated I haven't had any pain. Until this morning and holy crap it hurts like you wouldn't believe!!!!! So I am downing water which dr says will flush open the ureter for a little while and ease the pain. On top of this my platlet count was low, my blood pressure was high, my RBC count was low, etc etc. All things though that have reversed themselves. My blood pressure is again EXCELLENT at 104/67 , my RBC count is back up, and so is my platlet count. So my hope if everything (but the kidney) turned around for me then maybe it will for Jude too. Maybe we were struggling together to fight and infection and we got through it. I can hope ya know! It's strange being at work.... I just picked up a call and for the fifth time already today the called says "how are you today". It's just them being professional, but you want to answer "how do you think?". Actually I am not doing that bad I am being positive, but have learned to write on my blog everyday or all the feelings bottle up. Oh and this blog has a lot of grammatical errors, but I am not here for a grade. I just type as the thoughts flow in my head. I also repeat myself sometimes from day to day. I hope everyone has a great day!